I always thought cats were assholes.
Actually, I knew they were. I had proof: Every cat I met was, in fact, an asshole.
Aloof. Hissy. Claw-y.
Filled with general disdain for humanity.
They don’t even bother to learn how to answer to their names, for God’s sake.

Then, last summer, I met Zeke, Adrienne’s cat.
And Zeke was none of those things. He’s kind of amorphous and lazy, but he’s a sweetheart.
Then, in the fall, I met Nyneve — NERD ALERT — one of the Knight’s roommate’s cats. She was the best animal ever. (She probably still is, but I don’t see her anymore; though kidnapping was considered, I eventually tabled it.) She was in hiding most of the time, but when she came out, she purred and wanted nothing more than to be snuggled.
I was hooked.

But I was not going to bring a child into the world living in that sad excuse for an apartment in Wicker Park.
So I waited.
I moved into my new apartment. And I waited until the boxes had been emptied, broken down and taken downstairs.
Then I went to Kentucky. For six days. Six. Days.
Then, two days ago, the blizzard hit. It left people stranded on major roads for hours on end; created three-foot-high snow drifts where there were once curbs. The temperatures dropped into the single digits.
And I woke up this morning and thought, “Today is the day I will get my cat.”
So I went to PAWS Chicago and did just that.

Filled out my application, got my visitor’s pass and went strolling through “Kitty City.” I pouted as I passed over the kittens — they were adorable but psychotic — and went straight for the older cats.
I wanted a tortoiseshell cat like Nyneve. In fact, I really still wanted Nyneve.
But they say you don’t get to pick a cat; a cat picks you.
Enter Miss Regis.

She’s 9 months old and is a tuxedo with little white furry boots. She’s slender and prim but playful and athletic.
I never thought I would fall in love with a black cat. But here I am.
And here she is. On…my laptop.

Things I learned today:

  • It’s very hard to “sex” a cat. See also: this clip from Community.
    (Something I learned the other day: Never. Ever. EVER. Google the subject of that video.)
    The cat I adopted was named Regis until the folks at PAWS realized that he was a she. So they changed her name…to Miss Regis.
    Before I renamed her tonight, my cat was a super-glam transvestite. I imagine she was wearing a glitter cape right up until I came in.
  • Cat supplies are expensive. And many of the $4 toys available actually double as zipties and milk-jug rings. Which still doesn’t make them worth it.
    Petco milked me for close to all I was worth today. Litter, litterbox, scoop, crate, wet food, nail clippers (oh GOD, the terror), a tiny, phallic scratching post, and a few toys. One that looks like Miss Regis’ tranny feather whip.
    We love it.
  • Cats do not like cabs.
    Cats do like radiators.
    And windowsills.
    And tiny spaces under sofas and bookcases.
  • Despite some obvious differences with real babies, adopting a cat is a lot like having a child.
    I have no idea what I’m doing, and I’m petrified.
    And unlike a child, my cat will not grow up, learn to talk and tell me everything I did wrong so I can be better next time.

Be that as it may?

My new cat is curled up behind me, outfitted in a fancy green collar with a little metal bell on it. One big kitten yawn — easily one of the cutest things I’ve ever witnessed — and she was out cold.
We both had a long, stressful day.
She even got a new name: Emaline.

It’s what I always wanted to name my first daughter, after my favorite Ben Folds Five song.
But because I’m doomed to be single forever and ever, amen, this sweet kitten can be my daughter for now.

She needed a home, and she needed a new name.

And the lyrics just fit:
Yeah, what advice — girls need attention /
Or are you different than all mine?
For what it’s worth, she’s got attention /
From people like you who see black & white
Now I’ve heard enough, I’ll tell you what /
I really shouldn’t sit here and whine…
I’ll take you down to see my Emaline.


33 Responses to “Meow.”

  1. Dan Says:

    Congratulations on the kitty. I adopted a kitten with my ex awhile ago. Despite being allergic, hating cats, and growing apart from my gf at the time. I learned to the love the kitten, especially because it loved me 10x more than it did her. Yahtzee! Life is all about the small victories.

    I know PAWS probably offers some free screening or vet care with it, but I would suggest having the cat examined by a neutral vet. They often come with kennel cough or other ailments. It’s better to catch it sooner than later. $$$$$$

    By the way, Emaline is great name and it reminds me of this song. Can you guess why?

    • Paige Worthy Says:

      Ahem. Dear sir.
      While I award many points for use of “Yahtzee!” I have to call you out on not reading my entire post.

      She’s named for the song!
      Lyrics at the bottom 🙂

  2. lucy Says:

    Don’t be worried. Emaline is a lucky kitty to have you be her mom. Cats are the easiest pets to own besides a fish. (which are boring and un-snuggly)

    May I suggest dry food as a cost cut? (Go with Advantage brand) Also for toys, invest in foam balls. So cheap at Target. My sister’s cat learned how to play fetch and it’s SO MUCH FUN. You’re gonna be a great feline mum.

    • Paige Worthy Says:

      Yeah, I need to do a little research on how necessary all of PAWS’ product recommendations were…wet food is SO PRICEY. I want her to be as healthy and happy as possible but not completely break me…

  3. Sue Says:

    Cute! Congratulations. So now do we have to throw you a cat baby shower? Hmm, guess we should have done that before the trip to Petco…

  4. Tati Says:

    Congrats, Mommy Paige! She is adorable! And you two seem perfect for each other.

  5. Kyle Rohde Says:

    Congrats! Did you go with a non-kitten (though 9 months is still very young) due to cost, not wanting to deal with litter training or what?

    Your next investment should be in lint rollers. Costco sells 5-pack jumbo ones for $10 🙂

  6. Dan Says:

    @Paige Worthy – Guilty I skimmed right over the Italics

  7. Brian Says:

    Best first line of anything written….ever….

    ok, maybe not ever, but it sure made my night…

  8. Annka Says:

    What great news! Just from the pics and the video and can tell Emaline is way cute! I want to meet her!! 🙂 I had to laugh out loud when I read the pottery barn registry joke – I just ordered something online from the pottery barn off a wedding registry just 3 days ago 🙂

  9. Erini Says:


    So happy about your new little furbaby.

    Things I’ve learned about cats:
    – cats do not like busses
    – cats especially hate bus stops
    – two words: cat farts.
    – not all cats like tuna
    – kitty cuddles are the bestest

    One of the toys I’ve liked, the kitties are still deciding if they like: treat egg. It’s just a plastic egg you put little kitty treats in. As they knock it around, treats come out one-by-one. Chris has one for his dog, thought the kitties might like it.

    OH! If you don’t have a laser pointer, I’ll give you one. I have like 50. (no joke)

  10. doniree Says:

    I have a black cat – Roxy – who is the SWEETEST cat ever. She’s a snuggler, and one who likes to get up under the covers and curl up next to me. She also likes small boxes and small spaces in general – like sleeping in my boyfriend’s laundry basket. Cats are awesome.

  11. Gabriel Says:

    Oh, God…

    Oh. Jesus………

    I Googled it.

  12. Chris Foltz Says:

    You need to teach her how to play fetch with aluminum foil balls. My can Yokee used to love that..and was better than my dog at retrieving.

  13. Erika Says:

    Yay Paige! I always thought cats were evil too until I got mine and fell in love. They can be so sweet! If you have a chance to go to Costco, the food and litter is much cheaper there. Lisa has a card so have her take you 🙂 Also, they love boxes and milk rings so forget the expensive toys and go with those! Have fun and congrats on your new baby 🙂

  14. Erika Says:

    Ok – I’m a crazy cat lady and am posting too many times but leave dry food out for the cat all the time (I like Iams hairball and indoor weight control so they don’t get fat) and I usually do about 1/2 a can of fancy feast size cans of wet food in the morning. That seems to work and then you don’t spend as much. I tried giving them a full can of wet food a day and they won’t eat it so maybe Emaline will be the same??

  15. lauren Says:

    We’ve fed our cat half a can of wet food at dinner time since she was a kitten. 17 years. In the morning we fill her little bowl with the crunchy food. Water always sits out. She stays in doors at all times except for her little 10 minute (monitored) sun stretch breaks in the summer on the deck. Cats are built like rocks, TLC and you’ll have them as long as you have a child before it leaves you for college.

  16. Laura Says:

    She’s adorable! I’m glad you’re on your way to becoming a cat lady as well. 😉

  17. Helena Says:

    Is it bad that I *have* seen a cat penis? Odie will lay on his back and wiggle it at anyone who’s interrupts his special humpy times with this one, unfortunate blanket.

  18. Tweets that mention Meow. -- Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Tiny J., Petcare Shop. Petcare Shop said: (Cat Supplies) Meow. […]

  19. abbey Says:

    I love new kitty posts! Thankfully my friends were kind enough to listen to me yammer on about my kitty like no one had ever owner a cat before me. 🙂

    Enjoy new mommy-ness! Keep the twitter pics coming!

  20. Badresa Says:

    so, cats will “play” with just about anything. if you have an mismatched socks, you can stuff the toe with a little fabric and sew it shut, instant “mouse”. all of my cats preferred to play with wadded up newspaper, but they all loved their “cat dancer” feather on a fishing pole. and catnip on the scratching post will ensure they use it. and I never fed them wet food except as an occasional treat.

  21. min. Says:

    (a) I buy the Whole Foods 365 brand dry food. It’s pretty cheap and I can recognize most of the ingredients in it. We’ve got some wet food that he gets one in a blue moon as a treat, but that’s it.
    (b) Tin foil balls /milk jug rings are 2 of Carlin’s favorite toys. He’ll play fetch w/milk jug rings. Laser pointers=guaranteed entertainment.
    (c) Cat penis is super disturbing. Saw it once before we lopped off Carlin’s balls. I guess we haven’t seen it again because he doesn’t want that snipped next.
    (d) Cute or not, stop the hanging out on the laptop now.
    Enjoy Emaline. Seems like you two are going to be very happy together.

  22. Shelley Says:

    Yes! Too cute. I cannot wait until I am able to get a cat of my own again. Grew up with them and every time I see one I. Just. DIE. Seriously, a little part of me dies because I cannot take them home with me. You should definitely get two more and name them Zak and Sara. Just say’n.

  23. adrienne Says:

    proof i’m a bad friend: YOU WROTE ABOUT MY CAT AND I DIDN’T KNOW. i’m glad you met him and saw that not all cats are crazy and mean ;).

    …he’s snoring right now. does emmy do that yet? it’s so weird.

  24. adrienne Says:

    @min. – i’ve actually never seen zeke’s penis so i cannot confirm or deny that my cat is, actually, a male cat.

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