February.

The field organizer for an aldermanic candidate in my ward is 15 years old.
Fifteen.
There is a kid with braces and a bowl haircut standing on the street corner by Starbucks in the freezing cold, holding a stack of shiny cardstock handbills still in their copy-shop brown-paper packaging. Talking to passersby about the virtues of his candidate with the poise and composure of someone at least twice his age.

He has a BlackBerry, for God’s sake.

When he came inside the café for a snack, I gave him my card and told him I’d love to help him in any way I could. When I was really thinking, “I need this child to help me figure my life out.”

If a kid like that isn’t enough to give you a crisis of confidence in your capabilities as an adult…
I mean, I don’t know.

Honestly, if February were any longer than 28 days, I’m not sure what would happen to me.

That blizzard we had last week delighted me at first in its novelty, and now the snow is just making me angry.
I am angry at you, snow. You are ugly and grey and wet.

I’m angry at the season in general.
You’re making me depressed, Old Man Winter.
You and Father Time and your patriarchal oppression.
My feet are cold, and I’m lonely.

And I think it’s safe to say I’m overextended.
I have work. So much work. And work is a good thing, I suppose. It helps me pay my bills and buy things like kittens and steam mops.
I’m writing and editing and helping fill the world with excellent content for all the good girls and boys.

But it’s too much.
I stay up working until 2:30 a.m.

Actually, I could just be really, really bad at managing my time.
That’s probably true.

But I would much rather blame external factors. Like winter. And the slow, spotty Internet I’m scamming from an unsuspecting neighbor. And my cat.

The worst part about overextending is that it leads to coming up short in other places.
Like writing.
And that’s really frustrating.

The whole goal of quitting my full-time job was to make more time for writing.
And I think I actually do it less now.
But as I approach six months of this freelance gig — my, how time flies — I’m still working on that “cutting myself some slack” thing. Six months feels like ages, but it’s barely a ripple in time. So are the 27 years I’ve lived so far.
So it goes.

Listen to this song. It’s by my friend Becky, who I’ve known since second grade and is now half of the amazing duo Barnaby Bright.
(And if she’s not enough to give you a crisis of confidence in, well…everything else in life, you’re better than me. Amazing.)
When you listen to that song, do you feel hopeless or filled with possibility?
Becky Bliss — February: February reminds me that winter’s behind me. And the flowers of another spring will come, and I’ll have nothing to show.

I can’t decide either. But March is another song altogether.

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2 Responses to “February.”

  1. Tweets that mention February. -- Topsy.com Says:

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Paige Worthy, Jeff Tobin. Jeff Tobin said: RT @paigeworthy: BLOG: Eh, this month is dumb. http://bit.ly/g0fpDU […]

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Paige, I have listened to this sing three times in a row now and I absolutely love it! Thank you for sharing it.

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