Ice-cold coffee and scratch-off ethics.

I stare my coffee down.
Extra-large, with skim milk and two Splendas.
On the mornings when Paige Worthy runs on Dunkin’, the folks behind the counter have never given me reason to be suspicious of the contents of my Styrofoam cup.

That first sip scares me.
Will it be bitter?
Too sweet?
Will I burn my tongue?

So I carry it down the street, up the stairs to the train, and commute with it for an hour — just looking at it, considering opening the spout and taking a drink, but waiting.
Today, in my Valley Forge caffeine standoff, my coffee turned ice cold: all 24 ounces of it.
I’m still drinking it.
A metaphor for life? Hell if I know.

Also: I cheated on the scratch-off game on my cup. Every correct answer is a winner!
When I got to work, I used a spoon to rub off the part with the prize first, saw that it was worth getting right…and Googled the answer. (How would I know which Miami Dolphin was acquired in a trade with San Diego on March 18, 2004? How would anyone besides David Boston himself?)
The prize was a muffin. Muffins are always worth fudging on the rules for.

And it will never be a crime to end a sentence with a preposition.


A man with a real name sent me a direct message on Twitter this morning and called my tweets “Dorothy Parkerisms.”
I will take that from the best angle — that he finds me witty and observant — and not the one where I’m doomed to several unhappy marriages, alcoholism and subsequent multiple failed suicide attempts.
Regardless, men like him are the reason the trolls always lose, Coach. Sticks and stones, sure, and words hurt me even more…but those wounds are a lot easier to heal.

My birthday is Thursday. Twenty-nine. I’m spending the week plotting ways to make my 30th year suck less than my 29th. Today: a suburban celebration at Noodles & Company. She scoffed: “No such thing as a free lunch?”


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18 Responses to “Ice-cold coffee and scratch-off ethics.”

  1. Kevin Flaherty Says:

    Hey now, David Boston used to be a heck of a football player.

  2. Ryan Cox Says:

    I loved your ability to visualize something to near reality for me to watch, and narrate the story beautifully too. I really love your writing Paige. #highfive

  3. John Marx Says:

     Hey, I  had that question too and I didn’t cheat!  😉

  4. Dan Heinz Says:

    if i looked like the white david boston i would carry a full length mirror around with me

  5. goingtogermany Says:

    I hope your ticket stubs are golden and will serve as a belated birthday surprise. If not  then wine and a pot of marigolds or lily’s will have to do. Remember your middle name.

  6. Coachalpo Says:

    I’ll take your troll bait. 

    Talking about one’s self in this manner (i.e. self-cheerleading) is so tacky.   You’re obviously insecure and are begging for compliments.  You could have saved yourself a lot of keystrokes by simply typing, “Please read my blog and compliment me!” #coldhardfactsyall #growupyouarenotasevenyearoldgirl

  7. Coachalpo Says:

    Book burning?  Wow.  Hello, 1933.

  8. Lindsay Says:

    That’s not cheating, that’s just good business sense.

  9. Maria Says:

    Happy Birthday, Paige. I feel like saying something poetic and meaningful, but no one can top your artful word magic. Besides that, gotta get back to work. Take time to Enjoy! today.

  10. Coachalpo Says:

    Where’s the “I had the most amazing birthday, ate the most amazing food and got the most amazing things” post to attempt to elicit another stream of attention and compliments?  We’re waiting. 🙂

  11. Helena Butters Says:

    I always cheat on those scratch-offs. I remember one a few summers ago that was about some not-terribly-popular movie from the 90s (I honestly can’t remember which, just that I’d heard of it but not seen it). Anyway, I went to IMDB for the answer, and the IMDB page for the movie informed me that the movie had “increased in popularity 11% in the past week!”.  Right. Moral: Everyone cheats at DD scratch-offs.

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